Missed the appointment: Time to rest or a missed opportunity?
A few times a month, this happens to us. We schedule an appointment to help someone, but that person doesn’t show up. No call, no message. Nothing. At first, it feels like a frustrating setback. We usually plan about 1.5 hours per person, so if two people don’t show up in one day, that quickly adds up to at least three hours we could have spent helping someone else. (And that’s not even counting travel time.)
We have a waiting list full of people eager to receive help. The frustration isn’t so much about our ‘lost’ time, but about the opportunity that others are denied because of it. It feels unfair: not only is our time stolen, but the help we wanted to offer to one person can’t be given to another who truly wanted to receive it.
Responsibility lies with yourself
Nowadays, we look at it differently. Instead of feeling frustrated, we also feel a form of acceptance. We are convinced that the responsibility for someone’s health, well-being, or future primarily lies with that person. If someone doesn’t make the effort to show up for a first appointment, how likely is it that they will truly take to heart the advice and tools we offer?
We believe the fruit of our work depends on the other person’s commitment. That’s why we now see a ‘no-show’ as an early signal. It immediately teaches us who is willing to take responsibility for themselves and who isn’t. This helps us spend our precious time in the future on those who are truly committed.
From ‘yes and no’ to ‘peace and focus’
In the past, when someone missed an appointment, we immediately reached out. We called and sent repeated messages to reschedule. Now, we no longer do that. After a missed appointment, we send just one brief message: “We missed you at our appointment.” After that, the ball is back in their court. If they take the step to make a new appointment—and then miss it again—we completely let it go. No more messages, no more calls.
This approach is not heartless, but practical. The responsibility lies—and always has lain—with the person seeking help. By setting this boundary, we prevent our time from being stolen unfairly. At the same time, we automatically free up time for those who do take the time for their own well-being and are willing to work toward improvement.
Biblical Lessons on Responsibility and Fruit
This principle of personal responsibility and effort is a common thread throughout the Bible. Various passages encourage us to take responsibility for ourselves and to realize that our actions bear fruit (and that our actions also have consequences).
- Proverbs 27:23-24: “Be diligent to know the state of your flocks, and pay attention to your herds; For riches are not forever, nor does a crown endure to all generations.” (This passage emphasizes that you must take care of your own affairs. It underlines the importance of taking responsibility for what you have received from God.)
- Galatians 6:4-5: “But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have reason for boasting in regard to himself alone, and not in regard to another. For each one will bear his own load.” (These verses speak directly about personal responsibility. Every person carries responsibility for their own life and actions.)
- Matthew 13:23: “But the one on whom seed was sown on the good soil, this is the one who hears the word and understands it; who indeed bears fruit and produces: some a hundredfold, some sixty, and some thirty.” (This parable shows that the seed of truth only bears fruit in a heart that is ready and actually puts it into practice.)
So, when there is a ‘no-show’? That’s fine. For us, it’s a moment to take a breath and enjoy the unexpected rest, knowing that we can save our energy for those who do take the offered hand. It gives us time to recharge so we can be fully present for the people who really want to move forward.
