Failed Trust
Being honest with yourself is difficult. And complicated. And heavy. And uncomfortable.
Yet without being honest with yourself, you cannot move forward and will keep going around in the same circles.
When you cannot be honest with God, you are hiding something from Him. And whatever you hide becomes a place where God cannot enter. Well, to be completely honest, He can enter it, but He chooses to do so only when you invite Him into that place.
There are things we can easily be honest about. But there are also things we desperately want to hide, because what will others think if they find out? In many ways, it is the same with God.
During the Aufatmen (breathing out) retreat at the end of May, we explored this through the story of Peter, who denied knowing Jesus three times, despite having spent every day with Him for three years. When the rooster crowed, Peter realized he had failed. Jesus had told him it would happen, but Peter was convinced: No, I would never do that.
Does that sound familiar?
After Jesus rose from the dead, He came to Peter and asked him three times whether he loved Him. In doing so, Jesus gave Peter the opportunity to restore their relationship.
What is particularly interesting is that the first time Jesus asks the question, He uses the Greek word for perfect, unconditional love. Peter knows he cannot honestly claim that kind of love. Too many times he has failed to live up to his own words and promises. So Peter answers using the word for a more human, imperfect love.
How honest he is in that moment!
He admits that the best love he can genuinely offer is not perfect.
Jesus meets him where he is and, in His next question, uses the same word Peter had chosen.
It is okay that Peter’s love is not perfect. What matters is that he keeps trying and remains honest.
And that honesty is something we want to carry into our own lives and into the mission God has given us.
During the creative session, we reflected on moments in our lives when we were unable to keep the promises we had made to God, moments when our trust fell short, and when we stood in front of the door behind which we have hidden something for a very long time.
What is holding you back?
What are the ingredients that make it so difficult?
In Peter’s situation, fear, shame, anger, confusion, insecurity, and many other emotions could have been ingredients that prevented him from openly acknowledging that he knew Jesus.
Each of these ingredients was represented on a card, with a shape and size that matched the nature of that particular ingredient.
This is a challenging exercise because it requires honesty.
Where are your weak spots?
What are your vulnerabilities?
After everyone had completed their ingredient cards, they turned them over and illustrated on the back what they needed when that particular ingredient made itself heard.
And then we shared them with one another.
What a beautiful thing it is to find recognition in each other’s stories, to discover new ideas, and to be inspired by someone else’s perspective and experience.
