Korthagen: understanding what happens and discovering what you can do with it

Leestijd / Lesezeit / Reading time: 9 min

Sometimes something happens in your life that you keep thinking about for a long time afterwards. A conversation goes differently than you expected. Someone says something that touches you deeply. You react much more intensely than you actually wanted to. Or you notice that you keep running into the same problem over and over again.

During a conversation, we can talk about this extensively together. However, we notice that much of what we discuss fades into the background after a few days. That is not strange. In the moment itself, you may understand very well what we mean, but as soon as you are back in the middle of everyday life, it is difficult to apply that insight again.

That is why we regularly use the Korthagen spiral model. This method is based on the reflection cycle developed in 1993 by the Dutch educationalist Fred Korthagen.

It is not a complicated therapy technique, and you do not have to be a psychologist to use it. It is primarily a way to pause for a moment to reflect on what happened, discover what lies beneath your reaction, and then look at what you could do differently next time.

And the beauty of it is: you can do this yourself too.

First, back to what happened

The Korthagen method does not start with the question: What should I have done?

We start much simpler: What actually happened?

That might seem like a strange question. We often think we know exactly what happened. But if you look closely, you notice that we quickly mix events with our interpretation of them.

For example:

“My colleague ignored me.”

That is already an interpretation.

What actually happened?

“I said good morning and my colleague said nothing back.”

That difference is important. Because as soon as we regard our interpretation as fact, it becomes much harder to see other possibilities.

That is why, with Korthagen, we first go back to the concrete situation.

The five steps

You can see the Korthagen cycle as a circle with five steps.

1. What happened?

Describe the situation in a maximum of 5 sentences using only the facts: What happened? Who was there? What was said or done?

Try not to explain why something happened just yet.

2. What did I do, think, and feel?

Now we look at yourself. Write down what you thought (thinking), what you felt (feeling), and what you did (acting).
What you did is often the easiest to describe. It is like watching yourself in a movie. What you thought at that moment is also important, because there are often thought patterns that we carry with us from an early age and that influence what we feel and do, without us realizing it.
What you felt is about all the emotions that went through you and also what you felt in your body.

You might discover, for example:

“When he said that, I felt tension in my stomach. I immediately thought: he apparently thinks I’m stupid. Then I became curt.”

Here, interesting things often start to become visible.

3. What was important to me?

This is the step where we go a bit deeper: Why did this situation actually affect you? What belief was involved? What were you afraid of? What did you need? What might this situation say about how you view yourself or others?

Maybe you discover, for example:

“I notice that I find it very important that others take me seriously.”

Or:

“I am apparently very sensitive to criticism.”

Or:

“When someone gets angry at me, I automatically think I have done something wrong.”

These kinds of insights are valuable. Not because you can condemn yourself for them, but because you start to understand something about yourself.

4. What other possibilities are there?

Now comes the question:

Does it have to go the same way next time?

Perhaps there are other ways to look at the situation. Perhaps you can react differently. Perhaps you can say something else. Perhaps you do not need to do anything at all.

Suppose someone does not respond when you say good morning.

Your first thought might be:

“He is ignoring me.”

But there are also other possibilities: Perhaps he did not hear you. Perhaps his thoughts were elsewhere. Perhaps he is having a bad day. Perhaps he is indeed irritated.

You do not know.

By allowing multiple possibilities, space is created between what happens and how you react to it.

Write down all the alternatives you can think of, even the ones you would never try. It forces you to look more broadly at what you often do by default in certain situations. It gives you a wider palette of options.

5. What am I going to try next time?

An insight is nice, but ultimately you want to be able to do something with it. That is why the cycle ends with a concrete question:

What am I going to try differently next time? Which alternative from step 4 am I going to try out?

Not:

“From now on, I must never react like that again.”

That is usually way too big.

Better is:

“If I notice that I immediately think someone is angry at me again, I will first ask what is going on before I draw conclusions.”

That is concrete. And it is something you can actually try out.

And then the cycle begins again

The next time a similar situation arises, you can look again.

1. What happened? – describe the situation in max. 5 sentences with only the facts.
2. What did I do, think, and feel? – describe everything you did, thought, and felt.
3. What was important to me?
4. What other possibilities are there? – describe all possible alternatives you can think of.
5. What do I want to try next time?

This way, Korthagen is not a one-time exercise, but a way to learn to understand better and better how you react.

And perhaps after some time you will discover certain patterns.

• For example, that you always shut down when faced with criticism.
• Or that you get very angry during conflicts.
• Or that you automatically take responsibility for problems that are not actually yours.
• Or that you keep trying to keep others satisfied.

Those are important discoveries. Because what you do not see, you also find hard to change.

You don’t have to do it alone

You can of course use the Korthagen cycle yourself. But you do not have to face it alone. If you are receiving guidance from us, we can walk through the different steps with you together.

For example, you can bring up a situation that is on your mind and say: “I want to look at this situation with Korthagen.”

Then we do not have to come up with a solution immediately. We can first calmly examine what exactly happened, what happened to you, and why this situation had such an effect on you.

Sometimes this leads to an insight you would never have come to on your own. And sometimes it turns out that the problem is quite different from what you initially thought.

An example from everyday life

Suppose: you send someone a message and get no answer for hours.

You think:

“He is angry with me.”

You feel insecure and subsequently decide not to send anything yourself either.

With Korthagen, you can pause to reflect on that.

1: What happened?

I sent a message with a question I was struggling with and for which I would like to get his input. I did not get an answer for four hours. I kept looking at my phone to see if he had already read my message.

2: What did I do, think, and feel?

Acting: rereading my message several times, checking every fifteen minutes if he had already responded, I withdrew into myself.
Feeling: insecure, tense, anxious because I did not know where I stood, irritated, worried.
Thoughts: Why doesn’t he answer? Did I write something wrong? You can at least let me know that you’ve seen the message and let me know you’ll get back to it later, right? If you don’t take the trouble to answer, forget it. He knows it’s important for me to get some feedback, right? Is something going on that I don’t know about? Has he had an accident?

3: What was important to me?

I am afraid of what the other person thinks of me.

4: What other possibilities are there?

Perhaps that person has not seen the message yet. Perhaps he is busy. Perhaps he does not know how to answer. Perhaps he is indeed angry. You cannot fill in the blanks for someone else (NIVEA: niet invullen voor een ander / do not fill in for another), because you simply do not know.

Alternatives:
– I could have called him when I started to worry
– a late response does not mean he doesn’t like me or thinks my question is stupid
– I could have asked in the message to give a short notification when he would have read it
– I could have called first with the question if he would like to think along before I sent the message
– I could have done something else, so that I would be distracted from his possible answer
– I could have sent the question just before I would have another appointment, so that I would not wait for his answer
– instead of thinking all kinds of things about him and being irritated, I could have realized that I do not know where he is and what he is doing. Perhaps he does not have the ability to answer right now at all. (adjusting expectations)
– sending the question to several people, so that I receive more different sides of the question back. That would change the weight of that one message to him.

5: What am I going to try next time?

Next time I will call first with the question if he wants to think along. Then I can also immediately ask when he would have time for that, so that I know better where I stand and he knows that it is an exciting topic for me.

The situation is not automatically solved with that, but your reaction to similar situations can change. And that is exactly where the power of this method lies.

Do not see Korthagen as an exam

You cannot make a “mistake” with the five steps. It is not about giving the perfect answer. It is about learning to pause.

Pausing consciously and answering the questions step by step (and writing them down) helps to better understand what actually happened in the situation and with you in that situation. Sometimes you will be done quickly, other times it will take longer before it becomes clear what is actually happening. The steps help you to see all aspects, do not skip any of them.

And sometimes you end up somewhere where you think: “Aha, now I understand why I react so strongly to this.”

That can be an important moment, which also explains your reaction in other situations. And with step 4, you develop other alternatives in similar situations. Choose one and try it out. If it works better: great! If it does not work that well either, then you try another alternative. Trying out an alternative creates a new situation where you can reflect again. And that is how you grow in knowing yourself and dealing with various personal themes and situations.

A handy tool for home

When something keeps occupying your mind, grab a piece of paper or your phone and write down the five questions:

You do not have to write long texts. A few words per question can be enough.

And if you get stuck somewhere, bring it to our next appointment and we will look at it together.

Because the goal of Korthagen is ultimately not that you have to be able to solve everything yourself. The goal is that you learn to understand yourself better and better and can choose more consciously how to deal with situations.

Not everything you feel is a fact. Not every thought tells the truth. And not every reaction has to automatically remain the same.

Sometimes change simply begins with pausing for a moment and asking yourself: What actually happened to me here?