The Wackiest Sermon You’ll Hear This Sunday
I recently stumbled upon this absolutely bonkers news story. Psst, you better sit down so you don’t fall over laughing.
Florida Couple Arrested for Selling Tickets to Heaven:
A Florida couple, X and Y, were arrested a few days ago for selling ‘golden tickets to heaven’ to hundreds of people.
They sold the tickets on the street for $99.99 (about sh390,000) a piece, telling buyers the tickets were made of solid gold, and that each ticket reserved a spot in heaven – all you have to do is show the ticket at the pearly gates and you’re in.
X said in his police statement: “I don’t care what the police say. The tickets are solid gold. And it was Jesus who met me behind the KFC and told me to sell them so I could get some money to go into space. I met an alien named Stevie, who said if I collected the money, he would take me and my wife on his flying saucer to his planet which is made entirely of drugs. You guys need to arrest Jesus, because he’s the one who gave me the golden tickets. I’m willing to wear a wire and rat Jesus out.”
In her police statement, Y said: “We just wanted to leave Earth and go into space and do drugs. I didn’t do anything. X sold the golden tickets. I just watched.”
Police said they seized over $10,000 (sh39m) in cash, drug paraphernalia, and a baby alligator.
Let’s turn the humor (I’m trying to see it that way) into a virtue:
Crocodiles Exist in the Bible:
Job 41:1 “Can you draw out the crocodile with a fishhook? Or press down his tongue with a rope?”
See, something in the story checks out; a crocodile is proven Biblical… or something like that…. 🙂
Access to Heaven is Free, a “Ticket” Isn’t Your Salvation.
A ticket, even a golden one perhaps, doesn’t save you. You are saved by:
Ephesians 2:8-9 (NASB): “For **by grace** you have been **saved through faith**; and that not of yourselves, it is the **gift of God**; **not as a result of works**, so that no one may boast.”
John 10:9 (NASB): “I am the **door**; if anyone enters through Me, he will be saved, and will go in and out and find pasture.” (Jesus Himself is the access, the ‘Door,’ to salvation.)
So, at those pearly gates, they don’t ask for a ticket, but they look in “**the book of life**” to see if your name is in it. And God will put your name in through His grace. Delightfully simple, so we don’t have to “hustle” golden tickets behind the KFC. 🙂
Revelation 20:12 (NASB): “And I saw the dead, the great and the small, standing before the throne, and books were opened; and another book was opened, which is **the book of life**; and the dead were judged from the things which were written in the books, according to their deeds.” (Access is determined by the Book of Life, not by a ticket.)
X Meets Jesus ‘Behind the KFC’
The article states that X met ‘Jesus’ behind a fast-food restaurant and was instructed to sell the tickets.
Impossible. Because after His ascension, Jesus is physically present at the right hand of God (Heb. 10:12). His communication with people is primarily through the Holy Spirit, God’s Word (the Bible), and He is no longer physically on Earth to give commercial, trivial, or criminal instructions.
Hebrews 10:12 (NASB): “but He [Jesus], having offered one sacrifice for sins for all time, **SAT DOWN AT THE RIGHT HAND OF GOD**…”
Money for Space Travel and Drugs
The motivation for selling the tickets was money to “go into space” with an alien named Stevie, to a planet “made entirely of drugs.”
Proverbs 12:22 (NASB) Lying lips are an abomination to the LORD, but those who deal faithfully are His delight.
Pretty clear, right?
Ratting Out Jesus?
And then there’s X’s own statement, the next low point in this absurd theater:
“You guys need to arrest Jesus, because he’s the one who gave me the golden tickets. I’m willing to wear a wire and rat Jesus out.”
By accusing and wanting to ‘betray’ Jesus, X unintentionally illustrates the biblical truth that people, trapped in their sin, call darkness light and light darkness. It’s the ultimate act of delusion that exposes the real tragedy behind this laughable story.
Isaiah 5:20 (NASB) “Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; Who substitute darkness for light and light for darkness; Who substitute bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!”
Denial of Accomplice
Y’s statement is a perfect example of ducking your own responsibility.
“We just wanted to leave Earth and go into space and do drugs. I didn’t do anything. X sold the golden tickets. I just watched.”
Do you remember that story about Adam, Eve, the serpent, and that “apple”? Eve couldn’t hide behind Adam, Adam couldn’t hide behind Eve, humanity couldn’t hide behind the serpent—they were all responsible for their own actions and all faced the consequences of eating the fruit.
(PS, nowhere in the Bible does it say “apple,” it says “fruit”)
Beings in Flying Saucers
The Bible never speaks about “little green men” or extraterrestrial life in the sense of intelligent beings from other planets. The Bible focuses entirely on creation on Earth and the relationship between God and humanity. However, the Bible does contain descriptions of non-earthly beings such as:
- Angels: These are spiritual beings who live with God in heaven and are sometimes sent to Earth with messages or tasks.
- Demons: These are fallen angels or evil spirits.
The Bible is silent on the existence of physical life on other planets.
(Aww, too bad, I’d have loved to see a little green guy. #lol)
The Lesson of the Golden Tickets: Test Everything!
The most shocking thing is that **people actually bought these so-called ‘golden tickets’!** Multiple people paid big bucks for a piece of metal that supposedly guaranteed them heaven?! What?!
If the belief in such literal, physical entrance tickets to heaven already fills you with amazement, then pause and consider the deeper implication:
If people are swallowing this bizarre, blatant nonsense, how easily do we fall into the trap of false messengers who operate much more subtly?
The Bible warns us so strongly to **test everything** for a reason:
1 John 4:1 (NASB) “Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but **test the spirits** to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world.”
(In short: be critical! Because if you’re paying $99.99 for a golden ticket to heaven bought from a man who met Jesus behind the KFC, then you’re also ripe for the aliens, the drug pickup in space, the police confiscation of your baby alligator, and worse… much worse… #WaitWereThoseTicketsEvenReallyGold #FalseWolvesOrJustNuts #lol)
