Respectful answers spoken with a gentle voice.

We often get challenging questions on quite sensitive topics. These questions come from all directions—Christian, non-Christian, atheist, Catholic, anti-Christian, (ultra) left-wing, (ultra) right-wing—you name it. People from all backgrounds pass by on a normal workday. The questioner knows right away that we’re Christians. We’re clear about that and don’t play hide-and-seek because we think hiding is like cheating.

How sensitive can these questions get? This week, I received an interesting question about praying to saints or the Virgin Mary. When someone asks such a question, there’s a 99% chance that person comes from a Catholic background. That person has likely grown up for many years in that religious tradition.

You have to handle this question carefully because what that person learned from their grandparents, parents, and priests holds a lot of emotional value. If I tell you that what your grandfather, grandmother, father, or mother told you wasn’t true… it can feel like the ground is suddenly falling out from under you. Were they lying to you? What??

If you take that approach, it’s easy to create a hostile atmosphere, and doors can close. And that’s exactly the door you want to keep open. They had a question, gathered the courage to ask it, and probably already had doubts about what they believed to be true. It’s important to them to find an answer. So you have to approach this with great care and respect.

For that reason, in these kinds of conversations, I never give my own opinion and always avoid saying, ‘I think.’

Besides, I don’t have all the wisdom, and I certainly don’t know everything (not even close!), but we have a solution for that!

The Handbook for Scoutmasters. The Bible. 🙂

Whether you’re a Christian or not, let’s be honest—the Bible holds an incredible wealth of wisdom! Everyone knows the Ten Commandments, and everyone is familiar with the following passages from the Bible and agrees with them:

Gij zult niet doodslaan.

Gij zult geen valse getuigenis spreken tegen uw naaste.

Gij zult niet stelen.

If you just honestly admit that you don’t always know the answer and that you’d like to look together with them in the handbook, they don’t find it strange or odd if I say:

‘Let’s see what the Bible says, because honestly, it’s a challenging question, and I’d really like to make sure I give you the right answer, not something that I just made up from my own scattered mind. And the Bible actually has some good things to say on this.’

And now that we’re talking about the Bible… the Bible is exactly the foundation of why we approach it this way. Notice what it generally says when people ask you questions

But sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and respect. (1 Peter 3:15)

Furthermore, there’s a clear difference in conversations with a non-Christian versus a Christian. Because, take note:

The god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelieving so that they might not see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.” (2 Corinthians 4:4)

The perspective of a non-Christian is therefore different, and you’ll need to approach that conversation differently as well. If it’s not a Christian (and most people we talk to aren’t), for example, it also says the following:

For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Do you not judge those who are within the church?” (1 Corinthians 5:12, NASB)

As humans, we don’t pass judgment on what a non-Christian does. That’s not for me to decide. Because, take note:

But those who are outside, God judges. Remove the wicked man from among yourselves. (1 Corinthians 5:13)

So, if I were to talk about their behavior, I need to point out, with God’s Word, what He says about it and not what I think. Clear, right? This keeps the conversation free from my emotions.

For people who are Christians (and we first need to see if they truly are or not…), there are different conversation rules. And that’s necessary, because they have a different perspective.

If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every matter may be confirmed. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. Truly I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall have been bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall have been loosed in heaven. Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven. For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst.” (Matthew 18:15-20)

So there is indeed judgment involved, but with a very specific order in how to approach it (you don’t run straight to the pastor, no, you first have a conversation yourself, then with witnesses, and only later(!) to ‘the church’).

By following this approach, you create a conversation that cannot turn into a personal feud, gossip, or slander, but stays focused on what the Bible says. This keeps the relationship between me and that person clean and also keeps the door open for future conversations that we can both enjoy.