Clarity: The Biblical Answers to the Controversial Questions About Mary and Sex in Marriage
Recently someone asked me the following: (I slightly cleaned up the wording of the question so people don’t immediately get embarrassed)
In my church, they teach that Mary would have remained a virgin her entire life and without sin. But how does that actually fit with what Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7 about the mutual responsibilities between husband and wife within marriage? Would Mary, by not having marital relations with Joseph, actually be sinning?
Good question!
You can already see a lot(!) going on in this question, and there are also, sometimes between the lines, even more questions underneath it. Those “hidden” questions are often the trickiest ones. Because sometimes you also have to answer a question that someone doesn’t really dare to ask out loud. So, time to untangle all of that biblically and see what Scripture actually says. That way the conversation stays clear and honest, and everyone knows what we’re talking about.
Matthew 13:55–56: “Is not this the carpenter’s son? Is not His mother called Mary, and His brothers James and Joseph and Simon and Judas? And His sisters, are they not all with us?” (NASB)
This clearly shows that Mary could not have remained a lifelong virgin: multiple brothers and sisters of Jesus are mentioned.
On to the next verse:
Romans 3:23: “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” (NASB)
Mary falls under that “all,” just like every one of us. So she was not sinless.
That part was actually pretty clear, no real debate there, so we moved on to the next point:
1 Corinthians 7:3–5: “The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (NASB)
Within marriage, there is a duty not to withhold sexual intimacy from one another. Paul does add: “except by agreement for a time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer,” but that is only temporary and by mutual consent, for the purpose of prayer. Pretty clear, right? You also see the “why” in this passage. God doesn’t give rules just for the sake of rules; there is always a good reason behind them.
And just to be 100,000% sure (you never know where a question like this really comes from… reading between the lines can be tricky), I also brought up this final verse:
Hebrews 13:4: “Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” (NASB)
Outside of marriage, sexual relations are sin; within marriage, they belong to mutual care and respect.
And yes, after that the person asking the question tried a few more “escape routes,” but they all collapsed pretty quickly. Because for him as well, whether he liked it or not, the Bible passages were crystal clear and there was no way around them. Another lesson learned—now just putting it into practice.
And that made the conversation wonderfully clear: no confusion, no detours. It’s a relief when, in seemingly complicated discussions, you can simply go back to what the Bible says and have the answers right there.
