Norms and values
Norms and values – ever heard of them?
But what exactly are they?
Values are ideals or principles that people consider important.
Norms are rules of behavior that arise from those values.
Values and norms can differ from person to person, especially when looking at different cultures. Think, for example, of the difference in hospitality: in the Netherlands, you might get one cookie with your coffee, while in many other countries people would be shocked if you said that. There, the table is full of various kinds of cake, cookies, chocolate, and fruit…
We don’t often think about our norms and values – it feels completely normal to act or think in a certain way.
The first step is to become aware of what is truly important to you. All the choices you make depend on that, and conflicts or misunderstandings with others often arise because someone else has different values than you do.
Imagine you are working in a team, and the value of “harmony” is very important to you. That means you sometimes put your own interests aside to maintain harmony within the group. Now, if you have a team member who values expressing their own opinion and being seen for it, this can clash with your value, because their opinion might spark discussions and put people at odds with each other.
Becoming aware of what is important to you is therefore essential when you want to explore what inner conflict you have and what you are really struggling with inside.
With so many things, it can be difficult to answer the question, “What are your values?” That’s why in therapy we use cards with all kinds of values as a tool. What is important to you?
Everyone can choose as many cards as feel important to them. And what is the order of importance?
Suppose you have both values: “being seen” and “harmony.” Depending on which of these two is more important, you may stay silent in certain situations or speak up to express yourself so that you are seen.
This is an exercise in the therapy group that says something about who you are and what matters to you.
And that is necessary to be able to find a solution for your inner conflict.
