Relationship with Jesus: Built or received? Rest or restlessness?
At the beginning of a new year it often shows up again: the call to “do something.” New habits, new disciplines, new goals. Sometimes it takes on a “pious” form. On January 1, I saw this call posted online:
As we enter the new year, instead of trying to do this or that, let’s do something that really matters: building a relationship with Jesus.
It sounds good. Sincerely. And yet it makes me uneasy. Many people I talk to also become (often unconsciously) restless because of it. How so? Why?
What are we actually saying with such a call? Because biblically speaking, it rubs the wrong way as well, and it often gives a wrong picture of our relationship with Jesus. Because…
The relationship is already there
That call was posted in a group for Christians, but in fact it applies to everyone: this relationship is not something you can create or build yourself. You receive it, or you already have it; it is a gift.
The Bible speaks strikingly and very concretely about our connection with Jesus. Not as something that still has to come into being, something we have to make, but as a reality in which you are placed:
“God is faithful, through whom you were called into fellowship with His Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.” (1 Corinthians 1:9, NASB)
“Fellowship with His Son, Jesus Christ” is not a future project, but a calling that has already become reality. You are already there. Paul goes even further:
“I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me.” (Galatians 2:20, NASB)
That is not a tentative relationship “under construction.” That is a unity that already exists. Jesus already lives in you.
Jesus Himself uses that same radical image:
“Abide in Me, and I in you.” (John 15:4, NASB)
Notice this: He does not say, “come develop a relationship with Me,” but “abide.” The connection is already there. Do you see the difference? It seems like a small difference, but when you really think about it… the difference is enormous.
And it goes even further:
God takes the first (and decisive) step
The Bible is very consistent: the initiative does not lie with us.
“In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us.” (1 John 4:10, NASB)
Do you see the order and who takes the first step? Do you see the difference? And:
“For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God.” (Ephesians 2:8, NASB)
Our relationship with Jesus comes by grace, not by our work. Are you a Christian? Then the gift is already there; the relationship already exists. Not initiated by you, but by God Himself.
The word “building”
The difference may seem small, until you really read and believe what God says in His Bible. Then suddenly it becomes a big difference. The problem is not the desire for closeness—nothing (!) wrong with that—but the suggestion that you can make it yourself.
Building suggests: a starting point that was not there yet, progress through effort, results as a reward.
“I am building a relationship with Him” sounds as if everything depends on me: planning, striving, performing. And the problem that follows? I am human. I am never enough; my efforts are never enough. The result: unrest, the feeling that I have to do even more.
But God says it Himself: the relationship is already there; it is a gift. It is about making room for His presence, trusting that He takes the first step, and responding to that—not about building something yourself.
In short: one sounds like work; the other like receiving and continuing with what already is.
Jesus says it very clearly:
“Apart from Me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5, NASB)
Not “little,” but “nothing”.
As soon as you start thinking that you have to build it, the focus shifts from receiving to performing, from rest to action, from grace to a project you have to complete. And if you believe that, you do not get rest, but unrest. And it is precisely that rest that God so dearly wants to give you! Receive, instead of perform.
Only when you understand that God takes the first step, that you do not have to build anything, but that He gives, does that divine rest come. You do not have to keep doing more and more. Then you do things not to get something back for yourself, but simply for Him.
But doesn’t anything grow?
Certainly! The Bible speaks abundantly about growth, but never as the foundation of that relationship—let alone that you yourself would have to or be able to lay that foundation.
“Therefore as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him.” (Colossians 2:6, NASB)
First receiving, then walking. Growth looks like this: bearing fruit (John 15:8), being transformed (Romans 12:2), growing in grace (2 Peter 3:18).
This is not a relationship you make, but a relationship you live. Do you see the difference? Those who see it experience rest. Those who do not see or believe it keep going around in the unrest of always having to do more. And that does not work.
A better word is better
Maybe another word helps: deepening instead of building. Or even better: continuing in what already is.
“So that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.” (Ephesians 3:17, NASB)
Paul does not write this to beginners, but to people who already know Christ. It is not about starting a relationship, but about giving Him space in the life you already have with Him.
No New Year’s project
The relationship with Jesus is not a good resolution, not a checklist, not a discipline challenge, not a spiritual construction kit.
It is a gift.
“For of His fullness we have all received, and grace upon grace.” (John 1:16, NASB)
Not: “received if we build well.” But: “received, period.”
Perhaps that is what really matters at the beginning of a new year: not making something new, but resting in what has already been given to you by Him.
Instead of trying to do all kinds of things, let us this year truly take time for Jesus. Not to build something, but to give space to the relationship that is already there.
The difference with the first call, which we used as an example at the beginning, seems small but is enormous. The first call asks you to make something. The above only asks that you let it happen, that you make room for what already is and what He is doing in you.
That is where rest begins. I wish you that rest of God in the new year.
