How do you resolve an inner conflict?
In the therapy group about inner conflicts, a frustrated comment was made during the fifth session (out of six!): I still haven’t heard a solution for my inner conflict!
I always enjoy that. Because how often do people come to us with a question for which they want an immediate answer! We then always start asking all sorts of questions, which sometimes results in puzzled looks, until they realize it’s not that easy… And honestly, if it had been that easy, they wouldn’t have come to us and would have found the answer themselves a long time ago!
Following this comment, I created an overview of everything we discussed in those 5 sessions and how and where they relate to finding the solution to the inner conflict.
Are you ready?
Then here it is!
What is an inner conflict?
What types are there?
Is a bridge possible between the two parties, and what does it look like?
How can you deal with an inner conflict?
And what are the steps to finding a solution for your inner conflict?
And we will take this diagram with us to the last session where they will create a map.
A map from inner conflict to solution. Including the stopovers, the dead ends, the roundabouts, the mountains and valleys, the easy steps, the difficult steps, and the consequences of actions or stagnation.
We have done several assignments that helped in exploring the conflict and which reveal a direction for the solution.
For instance, they created a mask where the inside showed what happens internally during an inner conflict and the outside showed what the outside world perceives. Would you like to show more? And if so, how and to whom? This can be part of a solution – sharing with another person what is actually happening inside you.
We investigated the contrast between hard and soft with a clay artwork where both sides were visible. The conclusion was that many are actually quite hard on themselves, thereby talking over themselves and pushing the conflict away.
We looked at which values are important to you. These determine the choices you make. And this must become visible in your solution.
We looked at the conflict itself. What kind of conflict do you have? What are the two sides of that inner conflict? What do they look like? And what does the struggle between the two look like? Who wins? Who is stronger? Is it a pushing match or a chopping spree?
We looked at the needs that exist during an inner struggle and how you can meet those needs. This provides a better understanding of what is missing during an inner conflict and gives direction to the solution.
No, they did not receive a solution from me.
They received tools from me to come up with a solution themselves that suits them at this moment.
Because what is a solution for me does not necessarily have to be a solution for someone else, given that we have a different character, a different upbringing, different life experiences, and even a different culture.
Hopefully, I have taught you to fish, so that you can now continue on your own and take better care of yourself.
