When “giving” causes harm: a missionary reality
A few months ago, I was called by a Polish foundation. They asked if I could come and check their new sound equipment because they couldn’t get it to work. Fine, I thought, no problem, I’ll stop by.
But when I arrived, it turned out it wasn’t new equipment at all; it was second-hand stuff they had received as a gift.
Within an hour, I had a flashback to a task I did in the 1990s with a missionary organization. One of my tasks was picking up items we had received. It could be anything: books, flip charts, chairs, cars—you name it. It was always a surprise what it was… but especially what condition it was in.
Very often, something was wrong. We also regularly received cars (SUPER!), which I had to pick up:
“Hello, I’m here to pick up the car you donated.” Sign a receipt to transfer the car, another receipt with the value the donor had declared so they could deduct that from taxes.
And then, off we go!
At least… if I didn’t already break down on the way to the base. And that happened more often than not. Gearboxes failing after a few kilometers, engines that wouldn’t run (even idle), cars that smelled so bad it turned out someone had died in them, brakes that didn’t work, tires as slippery as eels…
We had stories every time. As a young guy, it was actually quite fun at first. Adventures, people, adventures!
Most of the cars we drove backwards into a field, where we pushed them into a deep pit made with a bulldozer, and then set them on fire.
(Different country, different culture, different times.)
Taking them to a scrapyard often cost even more money, and money was always tight.
Yes, sometimes there were good cars (we were honestly very happy about those), but too often they were already destined for “the pit.”
The fact that the pit had that nickname says it all: these cars were hardly ever usable.
Although the adventure was fun at first, after a few times the “fun” wore off. You receive something that you think: this can really help us. And what turns out? Literal junk on wheels. Too often the same drama.
And to think that these gifts were given by Christians to a missionary organization working for the glory of God. Can you feel the pain, the squeeze? For me, it already hurt back then, even as a young boy.
“When you offer blind animals in sacrifice, is that not evil? And when you offer a lame or sick animal, is that not evil? Offer it now to your governor; will he be pleased with you, or show favor to your face?” says the LORD of hosts.” (Malachi 1:8, NASB)
“But a man named Ananias, with Sapphira his wife, sold a piece of property, and kept back some of the price for himself, with his wife’s full knowledge, and brought a part of it and laid it at the apostles’ feet.” (Acts 5:1-2, NASB)
“Then Peter said, ‘Ananias, why has Satan filled your heart to lie to the Holy Spirit and to keep back some of the price of the land? While it remained unsold, was it not your own? And after it was sold, was it not in your own control? Why have you conceived this deed in your heart? You have not lied to men but to God.'” (Acts 5:3-4, NASB)
“When Ananias heard these words, he fell down and breathed his last. And great fear came over all who heard these things. The young men got up, wrapped him up, carried him out, and buried him.” (Acts 5:5-6, NASB)
“At the same time his wife, Sapphira, came in, not knowing what had happened. And Peter said to her, ‘Tell me whether you sold the land for such a price.’ She said, ‘Yes, for such a price.’ Then Peter said to her, ‘How is it that you agreed together to test the Spirit of the Lord? Behold, the feet of those who have buried your husband are at the door, and they will carry you out.’ Immediately she fell down at his feet and breathed her last. And the young men came in and found her dead, and carried her out and buried her beside her husband. And great fear came over the whole church and all who heard of these things.” (Acts 5:7-11, NASB)
And that task in Poland, with that sound equipment? It was exactly like the old days with the cars we drove into “the pit.”
About 80% turned out to be simple scrap. Probably left outside in the rain, and as you know: electronics don’t like that. Sigh. The remaining 20% we tried for days to get working, but even that proved too unreliable for serious use.
If I had only charged myself 5 euros per hour, it would have been cheaper to just buy something new with whatever was still usable.
And then there was also that pile of discarded equipment we had to take to an official landfill, paying per kilo.
But throwing it away? At first, they didn’t dare. “We received it from God, didn’t we?”
And then you see it happen: their faith gets a hit. Doubt, confusion. How are you supposed to be thankful for that?
It was heartbreaking to see these sincere missionaries, who thought they were receiving a blessing in the form of much-needed equipment, standing defeated while almost everything went straight into the dumpster.
Broken. Sad. Angry. Disillusioned. Take your pick.
A huge amount of time, energy, and hope invested in what ultimately turned out to be literal trash. Time that we could have spent so much better together. (John 4:35 “Lift up your eyes, and see the fields, that they are white already to harvest.”)
And no, this is not an exceptional story. Fortunately, we rarely experience this on our own mission field, but around us, with fellow missionaries, we see it happening over and over. We are regularly asked to help. And every time I think: what a sad drama.
Missionaries usually dare not say anything. “We should still be thankful,” they say, or: “If we say something, we might lose our sponsors. Then they will think we are ungrateful.”
Meanwhile, the frustration keeps building up. And if we’re not careful, the missionary not only gets practical worries, but also a spiritual conflict: how do I handle this without becoming bitter? It eats away at their motivation and faith, and eventually they end up with us, on a retreat. Burned out, disappointed, and empty.
For a long time, I kept such things to myself. But honestly: I’m (unfortunately) done with that.
These stories need to be shared. Not to prove a point, you can ignore my opinion,
but for the sake of the missionaries we host here on retreat.
No matter how glad we are that they come, it is really too sad for words why they have to come. Because far too often it is not their calling that fails… but their hope, their energy, their trust, sometimes destroyed by these kinds of “gifts.”
And yes, God has an opinion about this. And that’s really a problem. A huge problem.
I honestly do not understand it. If we truly understand Who the real Recipient of what we give is…how could we ever think to dare to bring something like this?
“Honor the LORD from your wealth and from the first of all your produce.” (Proverbs 3:9, NASB)
Let us keep each other accountable in such matters. Let us simply call it as it is, without detours, without sweet talk.
Not for me. But for the missionaries who are hurt by this.
And most of all… for what we are actually doing to God.
(P.S. Do you recognize yourself in this? Has something like this happened to you and you feel stuck because you don’t know what to do with it?
Feel free to contact us. You are not alone.)
(P.S. The photo in this article is recreated, because at the time I deliberately did not take pictures. I was ashamed, because I felt ashamed on behalf of what we dare to give God in the form of such junk.)
