How Do You Relate to the Homeless? Lessons from Our Own Experience

We also work with the homeless in Schwerin (just as we did earlier in Poland and before that in the Netherlands). It is a unique group that requires a different approach than you might expect. M has been working with the homeless for 8 years now and, through both his own life experience and the work itself, understands how harsh street life can be. In this blog, we explain our approach, drawn from experience on both sides of the line, and why we have chosen it.

Why Is Someone Homeless?

It is important to understand that no one consciously chooses to live on the street. For a healthy person, it is obvious that this is not a workable situation and often ends in tragedy. Most homeless people end up there due to overwhelming circumstances, not by voluntary choice. Often, a psychological or emotional problem is also involved, making it seem as if someone has “chosen” street life—though, when you look closely, it is not really a choice at all.

From such desperation come decisions that appear irrational, but in truth are not real choices by the person himself—they are expressions of mental or other struggles. This helps us understand why some behaviors are hard to grasp and emphasizes why compassion and clear boundaries must always go hand in hand. Realizing this allows us to offer help that truly supports rather than merely numbs the situation.

Someone is not homeless simply because they are homeless. That is too simplistic.

A person becomes homeless because a series of setbacks occur, with one problem leading into another. Rarely is the first problem entirely the person’s fault. Often there is far more behind the situation than we know—and sometimes even more than the person realizes at the time. Getting out of it alone is nearly impossible without help.

Anyone Could Become Homeless Tomorrow

It is crucial to realize: anyone could become homeless tomorrow. Thinking that it could never happen to you means underestimating harsh reality.

Imagine, for example, that you break a leg or suffer another serious injury. Complications set in, and after a long illness you lose your job. This may spiral into devastating depression, which further destroys your social life. Problems pile up: no work, financial pressure builds, and sometimes people turn to alcohol or medication to dull the pain. Soft or hard drugs may follow, worsening the situation. Before long, you may find yourself on the street—and this could happen to you tomorrow.

It is grace—or luck, depending on your perspective—that it has not happened to you; it is certainly not your own strength that protects you.

This simple example shows that homelessness is often the result of a chain of misfortunes, not just poor choices. That is why it is so important to have compassion without being naïve.

The Hidden Reality: Loneliness

The greatest problem of homelessness is not lack of food. Water can often be found at a gas station or cemetery, and rarely does someone die of hunger. Food, too, can often be “managed.” The real problem is loneliness.

The people around you—other homeless—are not your friends; they will steal from you if necessary. The rest of society sees you as filthy; sometimes people even spit on you. The police, who should be there for you, often treat you as a nuisance: you may be kicked out of doorways or dropped off in the middle of a field, without help. Honest, genuine conversations are rare.

This loneliness damages your mental health far more than hunger ever could. Drugs and alcohol increase to fill the void, isolation deepens, problems pile up—and in time, loneliness itself becomes life-threatening.

The Harsh Reality of Survival

Another thing we have learned: you can almost never fully trust a homeless person. That may sound harsh, but it is simply the reality of the street. They are in survival mode, and for survival they will do anything. Honestly, can we blame them? What would you do, if you are honest with yourself?

Street life is tough. Women may earn money through prostitution; men may steal; begging is often illegal or unwanted. You are constantly confronted with theft, violence, and humiliation around you, with almost no chance of being truly safe. And again: this could happen to you tomorrow.

Here a biblical principle also comes into play:

A Striking and Clear Bible Verse

(Proverbs 6:30–31 NASB) “People do not despise a thief if he steals to satisfy himself when he is hungry;
But when he is found, he must repay sevenfold; He must give all the substance of his house.”

When you break this verse into three parts, you see the combination of several principles:

“People do not despise a thief”
This highlights compassion. It calls us to understand those forced into difficult decisions by extreme need.
“If he steals to satisfy himself when he is hungry”
This makes clear who is in view: people in life-threatening need or hunger, not those harming others for personal gain. There is no excuse for the latter.
“But when he is found, he must repay sevenfold”
Here the focus is on responsibility and boundaries. Compassion does not remove consequences. Help must always go hand in hand with the effort of the receiver, so that dependency or destructive habits are not reinforced.

This verse shows clearly—even if you are not Christian—that compassion and boundaries belong together. It invites us to help practically, but always with an eye on personal responsibility and lasting change, without excusing wrong actions.

How Can You Help?

As we have seen, the greatest problem of homelessness is not hunger but loneliness. The best gift you can give is a normal conversation. Combine that with a meal, and you give much more than food. But there is more.

Practical Help: Lending the Fishing Rod Instead of Giving the Fish

We never give homeless people money (not even for the street paper). It seems quick and easy, but in practice it usually goes straight to alcohol or drugs. Though alcohol numbs reality temporarily, it does not solve the problem—it often makes things worse. So be practical: give food.

Ask the homeless person who begs for money if you can buy him something to eat. Sadly, many will refuse (wanting cash for substances). That is why it is better to give food or needed items—but in a way that encourages independence.

We prefer to lend the fishing rod, rather than just give the fish. Let someone do something in return: help with dishes, clean a yard, or assist in another way. Then they earn a meal, a shower, or a bed, while relearning self-reliance.

Even with clothing or medical supplies, be aware: these can be sold again for alcohol or drugs. That is why help must always include some form of responsibility from the receiver. Otherwise, you risk strengthening dependency.

Street life is hard—and you must respect that. If someone receives free food, drink, shelter, and pocket money every day, why would they leave the street? Real help must not perpetuate dependency.

Biblical Principles That Support This Approach

Galatians 6:5 (NASB): “For each one will bear his own load.”

This supports the idea that compassion is good, but the receiver must also take responsibility.

Proverbs 6:6–11 (NASB): “Go to the ant, you lazy one, Observe its ways and be wise…
…And your poverty will come in like a drifter, And your need like an armed man.”

This shows that help is most effective when the recipient also works to improve their own situation.

Proverbs 22:6 (NASB): “Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he grows older he will not abandon it.”

In the same way, we must not only rescue people from the street but also teach skills and habits that will last.

How Can You Help Even Better?

Knowing this, you can make your help even more effective:

Ask the person to do a task first, then reward them with a meal at a restaurant. This way, you do not just give them a fish, nor simply a free rod—you have helped them practice using the rod, and with your conversation, you also reduce their loneliness.

Complete the package by ensuring they can shower beforehand. Then they receive it all: a meal, cleanliness, dignity, and a genuine conversation. In a safe environment, they can enjoy food without shame or conflict with staff.

(A normal toilet in a restaurant is also a gift—homeless people rarely have access to one. So, if possible, don’t go to McDonald’s, but to a real restaurant. Yes, it costs more—but it is worth it.)

The Unexpected Effect of the Restaurant Approach

There is another advantage: when homeless people sit in a “normal” environment, they see the contrast between their life and yours. This may trigger jealousy, frustration, or even anger—but strangely enough, that is not bad. Such emotions can awaken the desire for change.

Even if it is the 45th attempt to escape homelessness or addiction, that spark—the glimpse of another reality—may motivate them to try again.

In short: by briefly including them in a normal setting, you offer more than a meal; you give a spark of hope, dignity, and motivation toward self-reliance.

Conclusion

Working with the homeless is rewarding and beautiful. We see that conversations and small moments of attention can have great impact: people feel heard, valued, and sometimes, for the first time in years, human again.

Yet it is essential to always keep the goal in sight. Merely giving money, food, or items without considering how and why you help does not solve the problem. It may even backfire, fostering dependency.

True help means combining compassion with wisdom and boundaries. Real support means helping people step by step toward independence, responsibility, and dignity. Whether through a conversation, a meal in a safe environment, a task rewarded with shelter, or other practical forms of help—each step should be intentional, so that the person regains control over their life.

Proverbs 19:17 (NASB): “One who is gracious to a poor person lends to the Lord, And He will repay him for his good deed.”

Helping wisely with both heart and mind is not a burden, but a blessing—for both the giver and the receiver.

“Real help goes beyond giving; it means guiding someone back to dignity and independence—step by step, with attention, boundaries, and compassion.”

Support Our Work with the Homeless

Our approach may not be the cheapest, but it is the most effective. We deliberately invest in safe, dignified environments, personal conversations, and small tasks that help homeless people gradually regain independence. This requires more resources than simply handing out food or clothing, but it yields lasting results: people rediscover self-worth, take responsibility, and gain a real chance at change.

Cheap or quick solutions usually provide only temporary relief. Our approach aims to break the vicious cycle of dependency. By investing in quality and personal attention, we create lasting change.

Beyond financial means, we also pour our time and energy into this work—unpaid and voluntary. Hours, days, months, and now years of our lives are devoted to conversations, meals, guidance, and organizing support. And we, too, must live, largely dependent on gifts and donations.

If you cannot do this work yourself, let us do it on your behalf. Your support enables us to provide meals, clothing, safe places, and guidance. Every donation, big or small, counts and helps us bring hope, dignity, and a chance at a better life to those who have long been on the margins. Donate now and make a difference.