Why God Has Strict Requirements for Elders—and What Happens When We Ignore Them
This will be a difficult reflection, but as always: what the Bible says, stands firm. It is not a matter of “in our culture B is allowed,” or “a little bit of C is okay, right?”, or “don’t be so difficult, D should be possible.” What God speaks is leading and binding.
In Titus 1:5-9, we find the requirements God sets for elders, also called “overseers” in some translations. That term actually says a lot about their task: they oversee God’s flock and bear responsibility for leading the congregation, in both good and difficult times.
Whatever we call these roles — a minister oversees, elders oversee, a pastor oversees — not everyone in the church has such a function. A sexton, for example, does not oversee the congregation, and not every evangelist falls within this task. So there are various ministry tasks, but the role of overseer has specific responsibilities and requirements.
Let’s first look at what is stated in Titus 1:5-9:
Titus 1:5–9 5 For this reason I left you in Crete, that you would set in order what remains and appoint elders in every city as I directed you, 6 namely, if any man is beyond reproach, the husband of one wife, having children who believe, not accused of dissipation or rebellion. 7 For the overseer must be beyond reproach as God’s steward, not self-willed, not quick-tempered, not overindulging in wine, not a bully, not greedy for money, 8 but hospitable, loving what is good, self-controlled, righteous, holy, disciplined, 9 holding firmly to the faithful word which is in accordance with the teaching, so that he will be able both to exhort in sound doctrine and to refute those who contradict.
(Note on terminology: In the Dutch Statenvertaling, Titus 1:5–9 speaks of “elders,” while in James 3:1 the word “overseers” is used. Both words refer to the same leadership function: someone responsible for shepherding and leading God’s flock. In this reflection, we use “elders” when speaking about Titus 1 and “overseers” when quoting James 3:1. The core remains the same: spiritual leadership with oversight.)
When you read these requirements, you might be startled. They are high: beyond reproach, holy, righteous, self-controlled, faithful, an example in family, marriage, and character. To many, that sounds unattainable. And it is.
But the height of the requirements has a purpose: God does not ask the impossible to break us, but to protect His flock.
We notice this daily in our practice. In our therapy and mission guidance, we constantly encounter the consequences of not complying with these requirements. The pain of spiritual manipulation, burnt-out workers, disrupted marriages, and congregations where trust has completely collapsed because leaders neglected their personal boundaries. It is sad to see how people, who once sincerely wanted to serve, have damaged others because they themselves were no longer spiritually pure. And it is not just the perpetrators who suffer; it is especially the victims who struggle for years to still be able to trust God.
That is why God’s requirements are strict. Not to make people small, but to preserve His flock. Let’s briefly look at a number of those requirements that God sets, why He sets them, and what happens if we ignore them:
1. God sets strict requirements out of love
God sets the bar high because He wants to protect His flock. An overseer is not an organizer or manager; he is a steward of God’s house. If his own life is not in order, it can lead to chaos, pain, and confusion for the congregation.
Acts 20:28 “Be on guard for yourselves and for all the flock, among which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to shepherd the church of God which He purchased with His own blood.”
2. The husband of one wife
Titus 1:6 “…namely, if any man is beyond reproach, the husband of one wife…”
A leader who is not faithful in marriage may find his vision clouded. How can he give honest advice about marriage, divorce, or remarriage if his own life is full of confusion? Tense…
Practical example:
An unmarried minister who had gone through a divorce himself gave young couples a “pre-marriage course” / “marriage catechesis.” Perhaps unintentionally, his own experiences became leading in his advice: mild and condoning, where sin was completely trivialized. The result: marriages that weakened, and mistrust among the believers who participated. In his counseling, his own “we all make mistakes” often occurred, instead of looking very honestly at what the Bible says about marriage, relationships, divorce, and remarriage. We had a number of the participants back in therapy, completely confused, because what is a relationship still worth if you already start with “we all make mistakes”?
When it turned out the minister secretly had relationships with several women in the church… not only had that course become worthless, but many of the participants also immediately began to doubt God’s Word. Because the minister had said that… What misery, people, what misery. We had months of work on it… and that is not good news…
So God sets this requirement to protect the congregation and to keep the leader from an internal distortion of judgment.
3. Not overindulging in wine
Titus 1:7 “…not overindulging in wine…”
An overseer must be free from dependencies. One who is trapped in an addiction such as alcohol, money, approval, or anything else, cannot effectively address sin in another.
Practical example:
An elder who drank to dampen stress preached about “peace in Christ” at a meeting for the homeless. When this became known (that he was heavily on alcohol), the mission team lost trust, not only in him but also in the message.
His spiritual authority had vanished, and all the work he had done with the homeless (who are often also addicted to something) had become completely worthless when the target groups realized what kind of person he really was. The mission work of years, of an entire team, was destroyed… and the target group? They dropped out completely… They wanted nothing more to do with that church.
And there too… What misery, people, what misery. We had months of work on it… and that is not good news…
4. Believing children
Titus 1:6 “…having children who believe, not accused of dissipation or rebellion.”
A leader must be able to show that he can exercise spiritual authority in his own family, and it must also be provable.
Practical example: A pastor spoke in a sermon about family discipline, while his teenagers paid no attention to faith or authority. (we will spare you further details) This completely undermined his credibility. The advice he gave, however well-intentioned, was immediately questioned, although some of that advice may have been biblically correct.
And there too… months of work… ai ai ai …. because what were they supposed to believe or not believe, was it right or not, or just a little bit or… what misery, people, what misery.
5. Beyond reproach, not greedy for money
The “world” looks at what you do; you must be an example to everyone, beyond reproach, because otherwise “the world” will never take you seriously again.
Practical example: A leader of a mission team was caught stealing. This fact was not adequately addressed by the elders of the leadership team. (Under the motto: “We must not judge“…)
Sermons about sin and the consequences of sin became difficult and were slowly but surely avoided. What remained was a sort of half non-gospel being delivered, and the beautiful Christian initiative that existed has now turned into chaos with, in the most positive case, a number of social projects that constantly derail. In the village, this story went around and the cooperation of the village also stopped, as did the sponsorship of a number of sponsors. The police had to come once to settle a scuffle at that project, but when it turned out the caller was the leader of that mission team, they turned around and left. Because the same police officer had arrested that leader of that mission team for shoplifting in the village.
The team fell apart; we got one of the missionaries in therapy (not one of the leaders) who had left the project disillusioned. The sense of justice and what it means to be a Christian… we hope it will one day be okay again. What misery…
6. The consequences of ignoring the requirements
In the examples above, you have seen something from our practice, and this is just the tip of the iceberg. It should therefore be clear that when we ignore these standards, we can already predict the problems:
- Leaders with double agendas or hidden sins
- Overstrained workers whom no one dares to correct
- Congregations that water down morally and spiritually
Galatians 5:9 “A little leaven leavens the whole lump of dough.”
God’s high standards protect against damage, chaos, and sin in leadership.
7. Not everyone has to be an elder!
The fact that someone does not meet Titus 1 does not mean that he or she cannot mean anything in God’s congregation. On the contrary! There are countless ways to serve: teaching, encouraging, evangelizing, providing practical help, or lovingly supporting where needed.
However, the office of overseer, with spiritual authority over others, is not appropriate for those who cannot live up to the standards of Titus 1.
But completely writing off or excluding someone in the congregation because he or she does not meet these requirements is not only a waste of talents and gifts; it can also be a sin, because it goes against God’s intention for each of His children to serve where possible.
8. Holiness as protection
1 Peter 1:16 “because it is written: “YOU SHALL BE HOLY, FOR I AM HOLY.””
Holiness is not a cold commandment, but a means of protection. Titus 1 shows that leadership begins with a pure life, at home, in character, and in spiritual leadership.
When leaders fall, many fall with them. That is why God’s requirements are strict: not to make people small, but to preserve His flock. Better a small flock with holy shepherds than a large movement full of leaders who hide their own shadows.
9. If you doubt whether you can become an elder / overseer
If you are reading this and have been doubting for a while whether you can be an overseer… then you are my hero. Truly. It is much more courageous to honestly acknowledge: “I cannot do this,” than to pretend you comply and later damage people or yourself.
There is NOTHING wrong with saying:
“Sorry, I cannot be an overseer, because I do not meet what God asks in Titus 1:5–9.”
In fact: that is a powerful testimony. It shows that you look honestly at yourself, take responsibility for what God asks of you, and do not hesitate to speak that openly.
I understand that this can feel difficult. Shame can arise, because others might ask: “Oh yes, which requirement do you not meet then?” And then there is a chance that old wounds, personal struggles, or sensitivities will unintentionally come to the surface.
Also keep in mind that you may face counter-pressure. It may well be that there are already elders who invite you to become an elder along with them. If you then say: “I cannot do this with God’s Word in my hand,” it may be perceived by them as an attack on their own position. Because honestly, some know very well that they themselves might not fully meet the requirements of Titus 1 either. Oops… That can be uncomfortable, but do not let that deter you: your faithfulness to God comes first.
My tip: keep it simple and steadfast. For example, say:
“I do not meet the requirements God sets in Titus 1:5–9, so I cannot accept this invitation. Yes, it is an honor, but I want to remain faithful to what God asks of me. I will keep the precise why to myself, but I cannot and will not go against God’s Word.”
And after that: keep your mouth shut. You do not need to explain or defend anything further.
By doing this, you protect not only yourself but also the congregation and the flock that would be entrusted to your leadership.
Honesty, humility, and faithfulness to God’s Word are worth more than the office itself. Anyone who dares to say this shows that he or she could indeed be extremely suitable to serve, just not in the role of overseer. That is enormously powerful, and I would love(!!) to see such a person active in a church in a non-oversight role.
There are still so many ways to serve God, with commitment, gifts, and heart, without carrying this specific responsibility.
10. For current overseers: be honest with yourself and God
If you are already serving as an elder or overseer, this is an important moment to look honestly at yourself. Ask yourself: “Do I really meet the standards of Titus 1:5–9? Do I live beyond reproach, hospitable, righteous, holy, and self-controlled? Can I sincerely hold on to the trustworthy Word and encourage and reprove others?”
Be honest, because God looks not only at your actions but also at your heart and motivation. The office of overseer is an enormous responsibility; it is not about title, status, or prestige, but about shepherding God’s flock. And you will also be judged more strictly than a “non-overseer”… In the Bible, there is also a warning for that:
James 3:1 “Let not many of you become teachers, my brethren, knowing that as such we will incur a stricter judgment.”
If you find that you do (and still) meet the requirements: keep going! It is a difficult and demanding task, but you are blessed as one of the few God has chosen for this. Serve with humility, gratitude, and dependence on His strength, knowing that He helps you remain faithful in every situation. We wish you God’s blessing, strength, and wisdom in the task God has given you.
But if you find that you no longer (fully) meet the standards, then be honest with yourself and God. That does not mean you have failed, but that at this moment you may not fulfill this specific role. There are countless other ways to serve: teaching, encouraging, evangelizing, providing practical help, and lovingly supporting where needed.
The greatest danger is not that you stop serving, but that you take on a role in which you fall short. That can lead to damage within the congregation and personal spiritual confusion. Honesty, self-reflection, and faithfulness to God’s Word protect both yourself and the flock entrusted to your leadership.
11. Inviting new elders: be wise and honest
If you are serving as an elder or overseer yourself, it is not only important to look honestly at yourself but also to choose carefully whom you invite to fulfill this role.
You cannot just appoint someone because that person is good at organizing, preaching, or has other talents. The office of elder is not about skills or efficiency; it is about spiritual authority, character, and a life that is in accordance with Titus 1:5–9.
If someone does not yet meet these standards, you can invite him or her to serve in another way: for example, as an organizer, secretary, or coordinator within the group of elders. In this way, someone can use his or her gifts without assuming spiritual authority over others, which prevents both the person and the congregation from suffering damage.
A wise and honest leadership protects both the congregation and the individual servant. It is much better to let someone serve in the right place, in a role that fits his or her gifts and spiritual maturity, than to place someone in an office in which he or she falls short. This prevents damage, disappointment, and spiritual confusion, both for the person himself and for the people he or she would lead.
Saying “no” to the request to become an elder is often complicated. The office is seen as a great honor and responsibility, and it can feel as if you are missing a unique opportunity to serve. That recognition and status make it difficult to decline, even when you know you do not fully meet the requirements of Titus 1.
Here lies a danger: someone may try to take on the role anyway, driven by honor or a sense of duty, while the Bible is very clear about the necessary standards. Titus 1 leaves no room for half-hearted compliance. Whoever enters this function without the required spiritual maturity can unintentionally cause damage in the congregation and in his own life.
That is why it is essential that elders and overseers remain wise and honest when inviting new leaders: look not only at practical talents, organizational skills, or willingness, but at the character, holiness, and spiritual integrity of a person. Someone can be excellent at organizing, teaching, or encouraging, but that does not mean he or she is suitable to exercise spiritual authority as an elder.
Precisely by placing someone in a role that fits his or her gifts and spiritual maturity, he or she can serve effectively and remain protected against pitfalls and spiritual damage. It is an act of love and responsibility for the entire congregation: better a faithful helper in the right place than an irresponsible leader in a place of honor.
Final Conclusion
Yes, it is true: when you read the requirements God sets for elders or overseers in Titus 1:5–9, it quickly becomes clear that there are not many people who meet them. They are high, strict, and ask for a life that is fully focused on holiness, righteousness, faithfulness, and spiritual authority.
But understand this well: God does not set these requirements for nothing. It is not an arbitrary list of rules to make people small or to promote church perfectionism. He does this to protect His flock, to prevent damage, and to ensure that those who lead are a reliable and pure example.
Compromising or lowering the requirements is not an option. Too often we see that when leaders excuse themselves or others, it not only harms the leader himself but also the congregation, the families, and the next generation. God asks for faithfulness, honesty, and holiness, not because He is strict or unreachable, but because He loves the flock and wants His Word and leadership to remain reliable.
Therefore, follow God’s guidelines exactly as He gives them. It means that some may be overseers and others may serve in another way. That is not a failure; that is faithfulness to God’s will. Whoever chooses this path protects himself, the congregation, and honors God.
In short: be honest, be faithful, and let God’s high requirements be your guide, because He sets them out of love and protection, not out of arbitrariness.