What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger?
When I hear sayings like, “”What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” (which sound good), I always get the creeps. They fall into my list of:
- Whoever does good meets good (alas, I wish it were true)
- Persevere. (the same)
- It’ll be fine, be patient. (the same)
- Pray for it and God will always give it to you. (the same)
It all sounds hopeful, it also gives people hope, but if you are not careful, it is false hope, and then it does not(!) help. On the contrary. There may be some truth to it… there may be. But unfortunately, it doesn’t always work that way.
I come across that saying a few times a month in conversations with people, but those jitters remain as soon as I hear it.
Today I had a conversation with a girl who has cancer and is in a hospital for treatment. The treatment is difficult and does not go well from a human point of view. The chance of survival is small. Very small.
But someone had said to her: “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger! So hang in there, you can do this”!
And that bothered her… because what if she doesn’t survive this? Then what? Will she become stronger? That’s not right, is it? Not only did she now have a physical problem, but also an emotional, mental problem. A huge problem. “Sad” is to put it mildly…. Mentally devastated comes closer in terms of feelings, I guess…
I have also spent quite some time in nursing homes, hospitals, rehabilitation centers and institutions and after years of experience (as a client or care provider) I have developed another proverb:
Operation successful, patient extremely devastated.
MB2012
And that is a tough one… unfortunately we have seen and experienced enough that there is some truth in that too, sometimes. Some people survive a life-saving operation, but they never actually live again afterward. The power they used to have… it never came back. Not only physically, but especially mentally.
That saying doesn’t sound hopeful at all, doesn’t give people hope, and if you’re not careful, you’ll crush all hope, and then it won’t help. On the contrary.
Somewhere between those two sayings there is a better truth… because both are sometimes true (depending on who you speak with) and sometimes not at all (ditto). What should you say or do? (or not)
Be honest.
Huh? What do you mean by that? Well, let me try to explain:
The experience you have is not necessarily universally applicable to someone else. From my own experience, I can say that for me, the saying “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” was true. (click)
However, there is a “but” attached to it… because the saying:
Operation successful, patient extremely devastated.
MB2012
Made sense to me too. Both were true back then.
And now it comes… just a few Bible verses:
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
Romans 5:3-5
And with these kinds of complicated verses it is always good to see whether they occur more often in the Bible, and they do so this time:
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
James 1:2-4
How do you keep that up? Because that “Let” is clearly stated in that verse…its up to you, to “let” or not…. As you also can see, this verse applies specifically(!) to “brothers and sisters”. In other words, for Christians. A non-Christian cannot do anything(!) with that verse. It is more than clear that you need someone to make that happen:
Because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
And you received the Holy Spirit within you when you believed God’s word:
And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit,
Ephesians 1:13
Only when that happened could you honestly say, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Even better… even if it kills you, you become stronger! Because you know what your future is. If you can trust God through the pain in His eternal future with you, then you will see the following happen:
The verses above contain something extremely hopeful if you are a Christian, despite all that misery:
- Your patience grows
- You can handle anything with a strong and pure character (including death)
- Your hope grows stronger
- We learn to persevere
And how do you help someone else who is currently not doing well? Who survived the operation, but is now very unhappy? To say the least…
And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
Hebrews 10:24-25
Is your brother or sister not doing well? Encourage each other with the bright future that awaits. Don’t stay away from them, visit each other. All the more as you see the Day approaching.
And the people who are not yet your brothers or sisters?
He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the Gospel (Good News) to all creation.
Mark 16:15
Only if they believe in That Good News,they can always say, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger for eternity. And even if death follows today, I will still come out stronger forever.”
If they don’t believe that, unfortunately there is only one saying left, also for eternity:
The operation was unsuccessful, the patient is very unhappy. For eternity.
In other words, visit the people who are having a hard time. Encourage them, tell the good news, and be honest in what you say. Sayings that sound good are of no use to anyone, be honest and talk about The Big Picture… that gives hope, patience, that’s how you persevere.
The video above was taken at Seattle Children’s Hospital. Some of the children made it…
And now the question for you is: who are you going to visit? To encourage them or to tell them The Good News? Today?
What happened next with the girl I spoke with? No idea if she’s still alive right now. What I do know is that everyone who believes The Good News lives forever, without pain, cancer, misery… forever. And that’s good news, no matter what happens today.